Sonic Gets What's Coming to Him
by EdgyMemeLord
Summary: I hate Sonic. I hate the blue dyke so much. I'm sure you do too. Well, this story is about how a brave hero stops the blue menace once and for all.


All was calm at Smash Mansion, except for the fact that a certain blue asshole kept running around a fucking everything up. This little shithead, as you may have already guessed, was named Sonic. Sonic was a horrifying blue monster with one giant eye that contained two irises. He was also always naked, except for socks and some really lame shoes that looked like shit. Nobody really knew why Sonic ever got invited to Smash Mansion. Nobody really likes him. Anyway, this blue devil was running around the mansion saying his usual cringey lines, such as, "You're too slow!", "Sonic's the name, speed's my game!", and "Come on, step it up!" If you didn't cringe while reading that, then you're a lying bastard. Unsurprisingly, every single smasher cringed, and some even cried, at the sight of Sonic. One brave smasher decided that he had enough. This noble smasher being Wario. Wario may have been an asshole. Like, a HUGE asshole, but it takes an asshole to destroy another asshole. One fateful day, Wario was doing some weird shit in his room that involved onions when none other than the fast, blue faggot managed to bust in. Sonic exclaimed, "Hey! What are you doing in here yo-" and at that moment he saw Wario in the middle of his...uh... love making session? I guess? The two looked at each other for ten seconds straight. Not a word being exchanged between the two. Then, Sonic muttered, "I gotta go tell everyone." He then darted out of the room. Wario, being the quick-thinker he is, then pulled his motorcycle out of his ass and started chasing Sonic. Sonic looked back to see the fat, yellow clothed, onion eating motorcyclist chasing after him with a look of death in his eyes. "Oh shit", said Sonic audibly. As he turned his head to look forward he saw the giant ass of Bowser. Now I would like to say that Sonic harmlessly bounced of the giant posterior, but that was not the case. Sonic went inside Bowser's riveting anus. Bowser screamed. Like fucking screamed louder than anybody has ever screamed before. Sonic was also screaming and so was Wario as he, too, drove himself right into Bowser's rectum. Because of the horsepower in his motorcycle, Wario went through Bowser, killing the king of the Koopas. Wario did a 180 to see Sonic standing in a bloody mess that was once Bowser. Just then, Pit walked by. "What's all the com- OH MY GOD!" Pit then threw up. He then fainted like a little bitch. Sonic used this as a distraction and fucking booked it. Wario, being the unsympathetic bastard he is, didn't even stop to see if Pit was alright or anything. He just started chasing down Sonic again with his motorcycle. As Sonic was dashing around the halls, he suddenly felt a sharp pain in his leg. He looked back to see that Wario had a fucking shotgun. "DIE YOU BLUE BITCH", yelled Wario. Sonic knew that he couldn't run much longer with an injured leg, so he stopped running and prepared to fight Wario. However, Wario didn't stop and just ran over Sonic. As Sonic laid helplessly on the ground, Wario come up over him and put the shotgun to his head. Now, this is usually when someone would interrupt the scene and stop this unholy act, but nope. Wario fucking blew Sonic's brains out. Wario smirked and then went back to his room to do his act that made Jesus cry.

Now, while the other smashers were kinda mad at Wario that he killed Bowser and Pit (yes Pit killed himself shortly after he woke up), he did kill the obnoxious dickhead named Sonic, so they couldn't really complain. Nobody ever cleaned up Sonic's remains. They just sat there. In fact, it became like a part of the mansion. A landmark within the halls of the impeccably large mansion. Some of the smashers would have their first times getting drunk right next to the blue loser's corpse. It was also wear Luigi and Yoshi had their nightly make out sessions. Right on top of the deceased Sonic.

Thanks to Wario, nobody ever had to hear that small, creepy hedgehog's voice again.


End file.
